Learning to Live Freely & Lightly

How I stopped striving, recovered my life, and discovered the unforced rhythms of grace

As an overachiever and Enneagram One, I’ve always had a strong purpose and plan for how I wanted to show up and impact the world. Inspiring others to live and work with more meaning, purpose, and intention has been my goal as a coach and organizational psychologist. However, after giving birth to my twins in the spring of 2022, my plans and purpose felt fleeting. I went from being a first-time mom of one to having three under two in just 17 months, and my capacity was dramatically reduced. The time I once had to pursue my purpose and passions was basically non-existent. Immediately, I became a stay-at-home mom, a role I thought I would never play.

I spent the majority of that year in survival mode, grinning and bearing through it doing what I needed to do to take care of the kids and get through the day. With the best intentions, I created feeding, napping, cleaning, and work schedules with the hopes that I would be able to execute my business at a fraction of what I used to. Well, I couldn’t. And I was devastated.

Before the twins were born, I was coming out of what felt like a career drought. I landed a good-paying contract doing work that aligned with my calling while I finished my Master’s degree, but just as quickly as it started, everything ended with their pregnancy and arrival. It felt like all the work I put in was wasted. The purpose and dreams I once felt so far away and out of my reach — so far that I didn’t know who I was without them.

I spent that year experiencing so many dichotomous emotions. On one hand, I loved being at home watching my kids grow and reach every milestone, but I resented the fact that while they were growing, my dreams felt like they were stalling. I was overwhelmed, sad, and angry, and I felt incredibly heavy, carrying the weight of multiple callings as a wife, mother, and business owner. Succumbing to disappointment, I redirected my efforts and energy into my health and wellness journey only to tear my Achilles shortly after the twins’ first birthday. My career, business, finances, and health, — they all felt under attack and I was crumbling under the anxiety and pressure.

I couldn’t hide from the anxiety, pain, and disappointment — scrolling on social media, catching up with friends — it seemed like everyone else was living their life. Happy and successful. And there I was struggling and failing. I continued to battle with that anxiety, comparison, and discontentment into this year until I had a realization — The Lord, in His sovereignty, placed me here in this season. I could continue to wish for better days and pray for breakthrough… but what if the breakthrough was right here?

And that’s what I discovered. The breakthrough was in my thoughts and how I perceived God. When I moved my eyes off myself and circumstances and onto gratitude and His faithfulness, I discovered His goodness. His goodness in how He was keeping, preserving, and providing for me. Even in my doubts and disappointments, He was there seeing me through, wading with me through my suffering. He became the joy that was set before me that empowered me to endure.

It was during this season that I learned how to exchange my burdens for His rest. As I discovered His unforced rhythms of grace, I ceased striving and proving, recovered, and rediscovered myself, learning how to live freely and lightly.

Freely & Lightly is a collection of personal musings and raw and honest essays from this journey of undoing and becoming. Through sharing personal stories, inspirational books, favorite links, or the mundanities of everyday living, I hope you leave feeling inspired, encouraged, and refreshed. So take a load off. Recover your life. Lean into your season. Let the Lord refresh you as you discover and learn His unforced rhythms of grace.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me — watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” | Matthew 11: 28 (MSG)