Who Is This Person? (I Don’t Know Her!)

February 25' Reflections: When Life Redesigns You + Monthly Recap

While February was a short month, it felt like a long one for me, probably because half of it was spent diseased in the house. But because of that, I’ve had a lot of time to process and reflect on the vision for my life and family and this season in particular, and I’m in awe of how God can shift the desires of your heart.

I often meditate on the verse, “Teach us, Lord, how to number our days” (Psalm 90:12). As I’ve prayed over this scripture and continued to live it out, I’ve realized that the Lord has been doing just that—leading and guiding my days, even when they look nothing like the vision I originally imagined.

I never thought I would be in a new city, a stay-at-home mom, considering homeschooling my kids and writing and working in the margins of my day. I never thought that my heart's priorities—so bent on purpose and productivity—would take on more of a secondary rather than a primary role in my vocation. But here I am.

And if I’m being honest, some days I barely recognize myself. Who is this person? I don’t know her. I find myself grieving the parts of me that once felt so central—my work, my ambitions, my carefully crafted plans. I wrestle with the tension of longing for what was and embracing what is. I wonder if I’m losing parts of myself, or if God is simply refining me into something new. The process is uncomfortable. Surrender is rarely seamless. But I’m learning that trusting God doesn’t mean shutting out those feelings—it means bringing them to Him, honestly, and allowing Him to shape them into something greater.

While I’m still designing my life, I have learned that rather than being the lead designer, I am the contributor—contributing to the vision, the work, the habits, and the behaviors, but ultimately submitting and trusting the process and progress to God, the Lead Architect of my life.

---

A Month In Grace 🌿

🌿 What surprised me
How much sickness can strip away every non-essential and bring clarity to what truly matters—patience, presence, and leaning on God’s strength when mine runs out.

💛 What challenged me
Caring for little ones whose sickness brought out more intense emotions—crying, screaming, and endless tantrums. The constant need for comfort and regulation stretched me in ways I didn’t expect, making patience feel like both a necessity and a daily prayer.

💬 A conversation I keep thinking about
A simple text from my mom friends checking in on us and dropping off a care package. Their kindness reminded me that community is one of God’s sweetest gifts, especially in seasons of sickness and exhaustion.

🤍 Something I’m holding close
The refining work of motherhood. I’m seeing more and more how parenting shapes not just my kids, but me—stretching me in patience, selflessness, and love in ways I never expected.

🙏 What I’m learning about grace
That it often shows up in the ordinary—in the strength to keep going, the kindness of a friend, and the way God meets us in our limits. I don’t have to carry everything alone.

If this reflection spoke to you, I’d love for you to support my work by becoming a paid subscriber. Your support helps me continue sharing these grace-filled stories and reflections, and as a paid subscriber, you’ll get access to exclusive posts and deeper conversations. I’d be honored to have you along for the journey.

Love Notes 💌

Throughout the month, I love to post notes, reflections, or other resources that I find encouraging or helpful. Make sure you download the Substack app so you don’t miss out on new notes, chats, and threads.

On My Nightstand 📚

Monthly Favorites + Books I’m Currently Savoring

• My Phony Valentine by Courtney Walsh. This was the rom-com I didn’t know I needed. Strangers to lovers, good banter, and I love me a fake dating trope. And apparently I’m now officially into hockey romance?! I love how Courtney Walsh can write a romance without spice that’s not too corny and can still make you laugh and swoon. I plan on reading the next book in this series, which is St. Patrick’s Day theme in March.

• Beg, Borrow, or Steal by Sarah Adams. After reading Practice Makes Perfect, I immediately had to read this new release. This book centers around the second to oldest Walker sibling, Emily Walker, the perfectionist who has always held down for the family when tragedy and trauma strike. As Emily processes fresh grief along with family transition, she secretly writes her debut romance novel. She unexpectedly falls for her long-time nemesis and fellow teacher, Jack Bennett, when he returns after calling off his failed engagement. I absolutely loved the character development of Emily and Jackson and how their dynamic evolved and matured throughout the book. If you love enemies to lovers and forced proximity with witty banter, you’ll love this book.

• The 4 Hour School Day by Durenda Wilson. As my oldest approaches school age this year, I’ve been praying through and considering school options that are best suited for our family and family vision. Homeschooling has been one of those options, so out of curiosity I downloaded The 4 Hour School Day when I saw it was available through Kindle Unlimited. In this book, Durenda reviews the research and benefits of homeschooling, shares practical advice and experience for new and seasoned homeschooling moms, and addresses many common questions, fears, and concerns. I finished this book feeling encouraged and empowered to give homeschooling a try.

• Everyday Faithfulness by Glenna Marshall. I shared in a recent (Joy)Cap that I’ve been meditating on the concept and calling of everyday faithfulness. This consideration led me to reread Glenna Marshall’s everyday faithfulness. The daily liturgy of showing up, putting one foot forward, and submitting our dreams and desires along with the challenges that come with the every day — these are the grounds where faithfulness flourishes, and Glenna humbly points us back to the gospel as we build and flex our muscles of faith.

These were just some of my favorites from the month. Check out my Goodreads or Fable for a full list and reviews of what I read.

Links & Little Joys 🩷

• Lately, I’ve been loving to unwind, at the end of the night, soaking in our clawfoot tub. I’ve been hunting for a good bubble bath and have settled on this one from the Honest Company. The scent is subtle but makes for a calming, cozy bath.

• I’ve been in need of new pajamas for a while now. I was recommended this set from Target for its buttery-softness, and it’s so good I grabbed it in two colors.

• I love this Spiderman mereader as one of our screen-time replacements for my four-year-old. You press the button that matches the book cover and the matching icons, and the mereader reads the story to your child. They have many different stories available outside of Spiderman. I plan on getting one for each of the twins as well.

February Snapshots 📸

Browsing through free library books for hidden gems // Lately, I’ve been practicing my cornrowing skills and I was super proud of the way this hairstyle turned out // Snaps from a new local find — a thrift store + cafe // A fun Valentine day craft with the kiddos

💞Loving the Life Designer? Share the Life Designer with a friend and earn rewards when they subscribe.

---

Can’t afford a paid subscription to The Life Designer but still want to support my work? Here are some ways to consider:

☕️ Buy me a coffee to fuel these newsletters.
❤️ Comment, like, or restack this post here on Substack.
🔄 Restack or share your favorite part of this post to your Substack Notes.
📧 Forward this email to a friend.
📲 Connect with me on IG @janelleaking and LinkedIn