Surrendering a Deferred Dream
Lessons the Lord is Teaching Me + Strength and Encouragement While You Wait
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If hope deferred makes the heart sick,1 then dreams do too. I should know. I remember when I used to dream in color. I was a newly minted adult, fresh out of college, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to pursue the purpose God called me to. Not too long after I started grad school, I went through a season of fasting and prayer where I petitioned God to reveal my purpose, and in His faithfulness, He did.
Many people think that purpose is something that’s meant to be found, but I like to think of purpose as something that’s meant to be uncovered. Purpose underlies everything’s existence. Think about it. In order for something to exist, there has to be a reason, a purpose. Consider the device that you’re reading this publication on. One could say that the purpose of a mobile phone, tablet, or laptop is to make information or communication more accessible. The purpose of the couch or chair you may be sitting on is to provide comfort, relief, and rest. How do you know?
The purpose is revealed in its design, composition, and impact.
Before the chair gets to production, the architect casts a vision of not only how they want the chair to look but also how it will be experienced by or impact the user. With the vision at hand and the user in mind, the architect crafts an image, considers the resources, and gathers the raw materials that will render the design, manifesting their vision.
That is what God had in mind when He made us. He fashioned us with a design that highlights our unique composition, instilled in us passions that draw us deeper, and prepared us with experiences that shape and qualify us to do the things that He calls us to do. He revealed that to me during that season along with my purpose of creating entries, environments, and experiences for people to live in their purpose too. That purpose evolved into a dream of helping both individuals and organizations alike flourish in their purpose and work. I was dreaming in color, and I was all in.
For the next several years, I committed wholeheartedly to this purpose, making it my full-time work. I invested my time, money, energy, and resources, working to get this business off the ground. I bought courses, hired coaches, and implemented strategic plans, but still no growth. The business continued to ebb, flow, and evolve but, it wasn’t until I pivoted and went back for my master’s in Industrial/Organizational Psychology and started taking on some contract work that I started to see some success. However, that work came to a halt in the spring of 2023 when I gave birth to my twins, stalling ever since. I was no longer dreaming in color; my dreams were fading to black.
While I still take on clients and small projects here and there, it’s not much to make a significant difference or impact, and as my toddlers grow and demand more of my time, effort, and energy, at times I find myself wondering if my dreams will ever become a reality. In the depths of my heart, I want to believe that they will. I want to believe in the prophetic prayers and promises that were spoken over me. I want to believe that the God who calls me is faithful and will see me through, but sometimes I have a hard time reconciling my optimistic faith with my pessimistic reality. Maybe you do too.
Maybe, like me, you are pursuing an unrequited or deferred dream, waiting on God’s divine timing, blessing, and provision, and you’re questioning whether you should press on in perseverance, seek clarity and direction, or humbly wave the white flag and retreat. While I wish I could offer you some insight or direction, the only thing I can offer is empathy and encouragement.
The one thing I have been learning on this journey to becoming and living freely and lightly is to trust in God’s sovereignty over my life. The more I would try to hold tightly onto the reigns of my dreams and desired outcomes, the more I felt out of control. And the reality is that I am out of control. I am learning more and more that having control is an illusion. Sharon Hodde Miller explains this illusion in her book, The Cost of Control. In our fallen humanity, we imagine control, and we pick up behaviors, practices, and superstitions that pacify our anxiety by creating coping mechanisms that fool us into believing that we have the power to control our desired outcomes. However, it is God who has control over our outcomes.
In His grace and mercy, He has given us agency, or control over our actions, but the outcomes are up to Him. I have to trust that He is just, fair, faithful, and good despite what doesn’t seem just, fair, faithful, or good in my life. I have to trust that He is more than able to deliver on His promises to me that align with His will. A part of developing that trust is learning how to surrender my desired dreams and outcomes, whether they come true on this side or the other side of heaven, and remembering that Jesus, not my dreams, is the ultimate prize. So regardless of what your dream may be, whether it’s writing a book, building a business, opening a coffee shop, starting a non-profit, or even starting a family. I see you and I am with you, my friend. May we lock hands together as we keep on dreaming, fighting, believing, surrendering, and trusting. 🫶🏾
“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” | Galatians 6:9
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See Proverbs 13:12
My deferred dream is my flower farm. Im still hopeful. Thanks for sharing.