I Am Full
March 24' Reflections on Navigating the Fullness of Life & Work + Monthly Roundup
Can you believe that we’re already in April? I can’t be the only one who feels like we are speeding through 2024.
I remember starting this month teeming with anticipation. High on adrenaline, I spent the first two weeks preparing for my first speaking engagement wondering if I could pull it off. A few weeks before, I also said yes to a podcast interview, a panel interview, and a new client all on top of potty training my toddler.
I took a deep breath as I read through my email inbox.
Another request.
Immediately, my anxiety kicked in as I wondered how I was going to honor these requests while tending to the demands of my days.
I had deadlines, and the countdown was on. The hourglass was counting down by the second, the minute, the hour, the day, with each grain of sand steadily flowing, filling the vessel of time.
As the sand continued to trickle and the deadlines drew near, I continued to ask myself, “Am I capable?”
This is a question I find myself returning to on most days as I tend to multiple babies — my three toddlers and my business.
If I’m being honest, I don’t feel like I am most days. Most days I am disoriented, stumbling into the next thing, grasping for my thoughts and next steps. Writing things down helps, but it’s not enough. Not enough to always make a significant difference in the dictation of my days.
That’s because my days are full. I am full. My head is full of to-dos. My mind is full of ideas. My heart is full of love and desire to pour my best into the people, the projects — the work the Lord has set before me.
Yet, the days leave me empty, draining, and daring me to keep up with the daily demands. And I question if I still want to.
Do I still want to do this work?
Do I want to keep showing up?
Do I want to continue to stretch myself beyond this capacity and these limits?
Am I capable?
As I reflect on these questions, I am reminded of Moses, who surely didn’t feel capable of the task set before him. Leading his people with a lisp? A speech impediment? Surely, the Lord had someone capable of more eloquent speech in mind. But the Lord wasn’t concerned about Moses’s capability or capacity, it was about the Lord’s presence. He replied and encouraged Moses saying “I will be with you.”1
So that’s where I am as we wrap up this month. Each day the hourglass runs, reminding me I don’t have much time or energy to give. I don’t feel like I have the capability or the capacity to do the work, in all its forms, set before me. But I do have His presence.
And that’s enough.
Books 📚
The Favor2 by Adele Griffin. I picked this up from the library on a whim and was pleasantly surprised! Vintage seller, Nora Hammond, ends up meeting Manhattan socialite, Evelyn Elliot as Evelyn searches for a last-minute dress. The two connect over a shared interest in poetry and end up bound for life by an unexpected favor. A very charming and witty story about the beauty of friendship and how it can unfold in surprising ways.
The Good Part by Sophie Cousens. Since reading Before I Do, I’ve been on a mission to get through Sophie’s backlist before her new release later this year. Tired of the struggle, twenty-six-year-old Lucy Young stumbles across a wishing machine. Downtrodden and curious as ever, she wishes she could skip to the “good part” of her life, and that’s exactly what she got. However, the more Lucy learns and adjusts to this new part of life, the more she realizes that with the good comes the bad, and both color your life’s story. I tore this book up in less than three days. I read this through the library but will be purchasing a physical copy to add to my collection.
These were just some of my favorites. I actually finished 13 books this month. For a full list of what I read, check out my Goodreads.
Podcasts 🎧
I love how the Lord led me to start doing these (Joy)Caps and then Jenna did this episode. The reality is life be life-ing, and it’s so easy to highlight the hard in the struggle. In this episode, Jenna shares how you can practically go on a joy hunt looking for the good and seeing God at work every day.
So much goodness in this conversation with Sara Hagerty. If last month’s posts and discussions on weaknesses and limitations resonated with you, then you’ll definitely want to tune into this podcast episode. In the episode, Sara “points us to the beauty and peace God provides in the midst of our life circumstances--and the deep spiritual growth we can experience through the limitations that we once thought held us back.”
I am completely in my bookish era if you haven’t figured it out by now. I stumbled across this podcast last week on Apple Podcasts and have been bingeing all the episodes ever since. The podcast is hosted by Annie Jones owner of the Bookshelf bookstore in Thomasville, Georgia. I love these conversations with her mom sharing wholesome, clean book recs and with her staff on books, small business, and southern living.
ICYMI
The Life Designer Book Club
I shared in my last post that I am toying around with the idea of potentially hosting a book club here on Substack. It would be a widely-read book club, meaning we would read across several genres and subgenres within fiction and non-fiction. I am still working out the details of the format and what that would look like, but if you are interested, please complete the poll and let me know, and I will send more details later.
Throughout the month, I love to post notes, reflections, or other resources that I find encouraging or helpful. Make sure you download the Substack app so you don’t miss out on new notes, chats, and threads.
Catch up on other March posts
Between work, the twins’ birthday, and family coming into town, I haven’t done a ton of writing this month, but I still shared my weekly reflections, joys, and roundups in my weekly (Joy)Caps. You can catch up on the posts here.
This is Too Much
The kids are finally down for the night. Bedtime always feels like a well-earned victory. I say my final goodnights and I love yous as I close my son's door, walk down the hallway to my room, and flop on my bed. After another long, hard-fought day of solo parenting, I just need a few moments to decompress. There are a few toy stragglers left on the livi…
💞Loving the Life Designer? Share the Life Designer with a friend and earn rewards when they subscribe.
Can’t afford a paid subscription to The Life Designer but still want to support my work? Here are some ways to consider:
☕️ Buy me a coffee to receive a one-time one-month comp.
❤️ Comment, like, or restack this post here on Substack.
📧 Forward this email to a friend.
📲 Connect with me on IG @janelleaking
See Exodus 3 and 4.
This post contains Amazon affiliate links. That means at no additional cost to you, you can shop while supporting The Life Designer publication.
'Do I still want to do this work? Do I want to keep showing up? Do I want to continue to stretch myself beyond this capacity and these limits? Am I capable?'
Such thought-filled questions, Janelle ...
Are you capable? Or is the Lord capable? He is. You’re doing good work. Don’t be afraid to say no to something knowing with security that the Lord loves to give abundantly.