A Roller Coaster Ride of a Year
2023 Recap: The Jerks, Turns, Hills, Drops, and Everything in Between
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Bread of Life. Sustainer. Constant Provider. Restorer. That’s what Jesus has been to me this year. I remember entering 2023 with so much trepidation. My husband and I were coming out of probably one of those most challenging seasons. With the birth of the twins, we experienced so much loss, change, and transition. I wrote in my journal that I felt like 2022 almost broke me. Broke me to the point, where I was humbled and ready. Ready for anything that resembled a fresh start.
With hope and anticipation, my husband and I prayed in the year and set our goals, ready to put 2022 and all of its difficulty behind us. I was eager to move forward, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t peering around the corner of 2023 with apprehension. Rather than confidently walking into the New Year, I was tiptoeing in trepidation, refusing to make any declarations about what the year would be. It’s not that I wasn’t being positive. I wasn’t somber either — I was sober. Sober to the reality and the sovereignty of the different seasons of God. Sober to the fact that you can pray, plan, and prepare, and life can still take you for a loop. A loop where you will have to (re)steady yourself and readjust. Such is the rollercoaster of life.
So, I sat down and readied myself, buckled my seatbelt, and closed my eyes as I lifted my hands, resolved not to tight-knuckle my way through the year but maybe… enjoy it. Enjoy was my word for the year, a word that challenged my inner achiever and perfectionist, but I felt the Lord calling me into a place of deeper rest, acceptance, and satisfaction this year. Feelings that I never quite grasped or understood in seasons past. As we rounded the corner of the year, I was skeptical maybe even a little bit anxious, not knowing if I was going to be in for another wild ride. But I braced myself for all of the jerks, hills, drops, loop-the-loops, and turns.
I had some challenges:
The nature of my husband’s work schedule left me as a solo parent 90% of the week.
The financial struggles that challenged us at the beginning of the year.
In April, I tore my left Achilles during the final two minutes of my workout during the kids’ nap. I was finally starting to see progress after restarting my wellness journey postpartum. For the next several months, I spent time chasing around 3 toddlers in a boot while going through physical therapy, and while I finished physical therapy back in September, I’m still recovering.
I really felt the lack of a “village” and local community while managing my injury along with the kids.
But I also experienced God’s goodness:
The Lord used my injury to bring me into a deeper place of rest, trust, and surrender. Again, He brought me into a season where at times, I physically couldn’t do much of anything but just be.
The Lord provided in a way that was beyond what we could ever have imagined or calculated (and trust me… calculate, we did, and the math wasn’t mathin’, but God made a way anyway! 😩🙌🏾👏🏾💃🏽).
I was blessed to be able to go back home to Ohio for the first time in three years since being pregnant with my firstborn, and it was the first time my husband had been back since he asked for my hand in marriage over six years ago.
As I chased contentment and joy, the Lord freed me from self-entitlement and self-centered thinking. I severely reduced the amount of time spent on social media, replacing scrolling with childhood hobbies I used to enjoy like reading. Reading led to journaling, and journaling led me to Substack to process and share my story. God used my interests and gifts to bring unexpected healing and restoration into my life this year. I’m so grateful for His kindness, mercy, and goodness.
And now as the ride of the year slows down and comes to an end, I open my eyes, look around, and realize something — it wasn’t that bad.
While points of the ride got jerky, overall it was steady, even thrilling, not because of the ride itself but all that it taught me.
I learned that:
Even in devastation or when it feels impossible, the tiniest of progress can still be made.
Good things can grow out of hard things if we can shift our eyes to see them.
God will make a way. If only we would trust Him at His word (Matthew 6:25-34).
Joy, contentment, and happiness aren’t feelings found in the future. They are choices of the present that are available to us right here and now.
The best thing you can do is live open-handedly. Ironically, the more I tried to hold onto the reigns of control in my life, the more I felt out of control. It wasn’t until I handed them over, that I was truly able to rest and enjoy the ride. And now I feel much freer and lighter than I ever did before.
There is so much more that I could write. The Lord has shifted my perspective on soooo many things — life, faith, calling, goal setting, etc. (I’ll be sharing more on how my goal-setting process has evolved in the upcoming weeks starting in next week’s newsletter and podcast episode). I’ve shared some of these paradigm shifts that I have experienced and lessons that I have learned over the past year and more in the posts linked below.
Although it was a crazy ride, all in all, it was a good year. I got to witness and discover God’s goodness and faithfulness like never before. I recovered my life by surrendering my season and realizing the beauty and purpose of what He set before me, even in the midst of suffering and uncertainty. Essentially, I learned how to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride — the jerks, turns, loop-the-loops, hills, drops, and everything in between. My inner achiever and perfectionist would be proud of me. I know that He is too.
This song is a reminder that God’s presence is the promise and the reckoning force that guides and grounds us in this roller coaster journey called life.
This post is a part of Freely & Lightly, a collection of personal musings and raw and honest essays from my journey of undoing and becoming. Through sharing personal stories, inspirational books, favorite links, or the mundanities of everyday living, I hope you leave inspired, encouraged, and refreshed. So take a load off. Recover your life. Lean into your season. Let the Lord refresh you as you learn His unforce rhythms of grace. Click here to read more of this collection’s posts.
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Yes 🙌🏿 God is always with us.
It has been a joy to journey alongside you this year.
(Not me crying once I started writing this 🥹) I am glad to see the work that the Lord has done within you. You are an inspiration and I look forward to another year of long Polo’s back and forth + seeing what the Lord has planned for you!